Carry On
by Auttzthoughtz
Summary: This has been sitting with me for a long time, being perfected and such. This is one of my ending headcannons and it was built up over quite a while and I hope readers appreciate it. Expect some feels. Destiel.


**Carry On**

"Why didn't you tell me, Cass?" Dean asks in a pleading tone as he paces the room, not believing that the angel would hide everything from him. Hide all they were, hide all that was – hide the thing that's been missing for so many years.

Castiel swallows deeply. "I wanted you to remember on your own. Besides, I don't think you would have believed me. It sounded odd enough to you that I gripped you tight and raised you from perdition. I had no way to explain that I didn't fear losing you for."

"You thought I would, what, Cass?" Dean replies as he walks up to Cass, still not believing in full that he was never trusted enough to be reminded of what they had. "You thought I'd be too _reluctant_?"

"Originally, you were," Castiel says as his memory drifts back. He places his fingers on Dean's temple so that they can remember together.

 _Dean is shaking, crying in his restraints and wishing for the pain to end. A flashing white light bounces around the room he's in and Dean doesn't feel relief but confusion as something he can't look at reaches around to handle his chains and pull the hooks out of his skin. "What – what is that? Who is that?"_

 _There's a loud screeching sound and Dean wishes that he could cover his ears. "Fuck, ouch dude, never mind stop talking."_

 _Castiel feels that he could laugh. Dean feels scared when the presence is gone, even as his chains have been removed. "I didn't mean leave," Dean complains roughly under his breath. He hears stirring in the halls around and stays quiet._

 _Castiel returns in his vessel, as to try and be less daunting to Dean and perhaps more welcome. "Hello, Dean Winchester."_

" _Hey, were you the thing that just let me down?" Dean asks in a raspy whisper._

 _Castiel nods. "I need to help repair you. Dean, you are important in the upcoming war."_

" _I'm not important to shit," Dean says as he walks to a nearby wall and turns around, slinking down the energy of his soul's body to sink to an uncomfortable seat, still feeling the scars from earlier torture._

 _Castiel shakes his head as he kneels down in front of Dean. "You are a child of God and you are much more important than you realize. Why else would I be sent for you?"_

" _Who are you, exactly?" Dean asks, cringing away as Castiel approaches with a hand._

" _Castiel, an angel of the lord," Castiel replies as he pulls back his hands. "I don't mean to be intrusive, Mr. Winchester, but I need to be able to touch to heal."_

" _Angels don't exist, that's bullshit," Dean says as his eyes squeeze shut for a long moment, feeling like if he does perhaps the dream of Castiel will fade. It's nice to dream that things could get better, but Dean believes it is only appropriate or painless if there's an actual chance of it happening._

 _Castiel reads Dean's thoughts as they go. "Your mother, Dean Winchester, I don't know if you remember. She used to tell you angels watch over you. Mary Winchester wasn't a liar."_

" _Call me just Dean, alright? No Mr. Winchester, no full name, just Dean," Dean says as he pulls himself to sit up properly against the wall, letting out a wail of pain as he does so. He never remembers just how deep his wounds run until he tests his body's limits with them attached._

" _Alright, just Dean, will you let me heal you?" Castiel asks a bit impatiently._

 _Dean shakes his head. "I want to know more about you. Prove you are this angel-thing."_

 _Castiel sighs as he takes a seat across from Dean. "I've lived very many thousands of millennia and I believe you are the first to ask me about myself."_

" _So, I'm sure you've had a lot of time to think about it, come on. Tell me who Cass is," Dean says, wincing as he adjusts his position again._

 _Castiel moves a hand forward and hovers over Dean's shoulder, where one particularly gruesome looking hook-wound lays. His hand lets out a glowing gold light as it heals. He's not touching Dean so at least that part is being followed. "I'm not given opportunity to think like that, Dean. I am Castiel, angel of the lord. Angel of Thursday, though even I don't know the significance of that position. I follow orders."_

" _I had an old man who was pretty controlling too, but that doesn't mean I didn't have my own free will. I didn't dismiss that I had a personality underneath," Dean says, watching in awe as his wound disappears. "I'm fine with the healing thing, but I want to know more."_

 _Castiel thinks on it for a few moments, his face contorting as he tries to think for himself for once. Something about the action is very liberating and freeing, something that he is grateful to Dean for helping him towards. "I don't like casualties. I don't like death to prove a point. I very much dislike plague. I don't like not being able to help. I don't think the ends justify the means, to be honest."_

" _Give me an example," Dean asks as Castiel moves his hand around, glowing yellow over wounds as he heals each one._

 _Castiel sighs. "This may age me – do you remember the bible story in which the first born of Egyptian royal and upper-class families were to be slain to free the lower-town people? I was supposed to be on assignment for that but I couldn't take it. I wasn't willing to be a part in the deaths of those children. I believe that the freedom of the poor was important, but not enough so to take that many lives of the innocent."_

" _Wow, Cass, that's – that's kind of great," Dean says as he can shift around a little more comfortably, majority of the outer-wounds healed._

 _Castiel smiles softly. "You call me Cass."_

" _Sorry, uh, is that like blasphemy or something? You've just got such a long name, dude," Dean thinks for a moment. "Is it bad to call you dude – is that, like, major disrespect?"_

 _Castiel laughs as he moves his hand to place on Dean's shoulder. "No, I enjoy the sentimentality of it. It means you are comfortable in my presence."_

" _What's with the touching?" Dean asks, looking up and down at Castiel's male vessel with confusion._

 _Castiel sighs. "I need you to be cooperative, this will be difficult. I need to bring you back to your body."_

" _What you've got to grip me tight to do that?" Dean asks as he shrugs away from Castiel's hand. "What, man, seriously?"_

" _I apologize if it causes any discomfort," Castiel promises as he moves his hands and hovers them over Dean's temples. "First, I need to heal your mind. The corruption of torture brings the idea of darkness as comfort, and as far as possible I don't want you to remember this."_

" _I kind of do," Dean mumbles._

" _What?" Castiel asks, tilting his head in confusion._

 _Dean looks down. "I just, it's kind of nice. Having purpose and having you come for me, like I'm actually important or something."_

" _Not everyone gets their own personal angel, Dean. I'm the only one who could find you. There's been several angels searching the catacombs of Hell for you and I was the only one who could find you. It's like there is a part of me that is linked to you, which will be more permanently defined as I might leave a mark after this," Castiel replies in a whisper, fascinated as much as Dean is._

" _I hurt people, Cass," Dean says, feeling broken and ashamed. "It was too much and on days when it was too much I hurt others the way they tortured me. Why would I be worth saving?"_

" _Because you care that you've hurt them, Dean, and that's what we're going to focus on," Castiel whispers as he presses his fingers to Dean's temples. Castiel connects into Dean's mind and soul, sifting through the memories and finding the things that are most important to Dean. He sees family, and that Dean's family really doesn't end in blood. He finds what Dean wants to protect. He sees the simply memories like Dean trying on a pink pair of woman's panties and savoring the feeling of something so simple feeling so nice. Castiel sifts through and finds all the memories of all the things that make Dean human and brings them forward. Castiel brings forward all of the memories that are good and honest and right ahead of the memories of hell and the entirety of what he has endured, all that he almost became._

 _When Dean's green eyes flutter open again, he's smiling. "Thanks, I mean, Cass – I don't know what I woulda done if you didn't come to save me."_

" _I won't let you go there," Castiel promises as he moves his hands from Dean's temples far too slowly to his shoulders, gripping harder on one side than the other. They both feel a connection running through them, a profound bond that could be forgotten in mind but not in heart. "Are you ready to return?"_

 _Dean nods as he looks upon Castiel one last time before he's lifted up and back into his own body, feeling as Castiel helps place him back in every crook and crevice just right before pulling away. Suddenly there's an empty feeling in Dean's heart, something wrong deeply as he gasps for breath. He claws up with his hands until he reaches the top soil of the Earth, realizing he has come back but not remembering everything else as it's all just a haze._

 _Dean looks around at the destroyed forest around him and wishes that he could remember what the feeling was that took over his body, the missing piece in his heart._

Castiel pulls his hands away and turns away. Dean follows him. "I didn't want you to go."

"I got pulled away on mission with the idea that I would be able to see you again soon. I tried to reach out to you and communicate but my vessel was needed back at his home and you couldn't understand when I attempted to speak to you," Castiel explains, reminding Dean of shattering windows and radio static.

Dean takes a deep breath. "I never wanted to lose you, Cass. More than you didn't want to lose me. I didn't want to lose you."

"After all we've been through, Dean, is that still even true?" Castiel asks as he turns back to look at Dean. "Did you not phrase it that I was 'a baby in a trench coat' is it wasn't for my powers?"

Dean rolls his eyes. "I was kidding, Cass."

"Were you? Because Dean, I have been trying to remind you. I have been telling you that we have a profound bond. I have been trying to reach out and make you remember. I watched and waited for the day that you would remember me and now that it has come you are angry at me," Castiel replies, feeling a strange wetness around his eyes.

A collage of images and words pass through Dean's mind. A thousand faces of longing are passing through his mind, the desperation on Castiel's face for one simple instance of memory now becoming so clear.

" _What did you dream about?"_

Dean sees again the clues, the hugs, the moments that Dean was the closest to understanding or remembering flashing even clearer to their meanings.

" _I need you, Cass."_

Dean winces as he thinks of all the things he's said to Cass that even pertain to a different kind of connection he's almost certain that he has with Castiel as well. Something that may have started with a profound bond led to love, and even without knowing consciously and with Cass being a dude and Dean wanting to push those thoughts away out of fear of them, Dean now recognized the instances that those things had come close to being indicated or happening was a hint to the love they share deeply within their bond together.

" _Get out of my ass, Cass!"_

" _Last time someone looked at me like that, Cass, there was naked involved."_

" _Blow me, Cass."_

Dean pulls Castiel into his arms and holds him tight there. For the first time, he feels Castiel understand the embrace and pull closer to him as well. A mutual hug that could seem so trivial to others meant the world to them in this moment. "I love you, Cass."

"As I love you, just Dean," Cass replies with a wide smile as he pulls away from Dean's arms. "Crying is a bit inconvenient," Castiel remarks as he reaches up to wipe away a stray tear from Dean's face. He's jolted away by the sound of large footsteps approaching the dining room.

"So get this," Sam says, walking into Dean and Cas sitting at the table then side-by-side, appearing to Sam as if they are just working on studying the notes on the desk instead of the hands being held underneath the surface of the table for support of one another. Sam doesn't take care to notice as he lists off the names of the people in Heaven. "I know this may sound odd, guys, but I think Heaven needs to be saved from the inside."

"You're absolutely right," a familiar voice coos from the door, more pronounced than any of them remember.

They turn around to see Chuck there, a man who now almost seems like he's glowing. "Castiel, it's a pleasure to finally meet you in person."

Castiel's eyes go wide. He doesn't know if he's allowed to say who Chuck is, so his mouth just hangs open. "What can we do? I can't fly up there to help them. I can't even hear them."

"Are you so sure?" Chuck asks as he closes his eyes.

Castiel feels his full grace, his own, being restored to him and a smile spreads on his face as he can hear the chatter from above.

"Hey – it's my little brother, it's Cassie! Finally! He can hear me! Listen, I know this might sound weird, I was in angel boot-camp up here and I was napping and I was forgotten and well, I'm kinda leading the forces up here," Gabriel prays down to Castiel. "We could use your help. We can lower the barriers for a short time and you can come through with dad's help. Just bring Dean with you, Sam needs to stay on Earth and help with threats there. There is only one Winchester allowed per war, one live one that is."

Castiel nods, looking over to Dean. "I know what to do. Thank you, Father."

Dean and Sam both look over at Chuck with wide eyes. "What do you mean Father? Is Chuck, I mean – no way?"

"He's the vessel of God, the vessel of Jesus. Currently it's God, a prophet actually can be construed as a much better vessel which is why Chuck is such a perfect candidate," Castiel explains as he grips Dean's hand. "I need to take you up to the warfront. It's got to be fought on both ends. Adam will be joining Sam soon and they will have to protect the human side as it will be of importance that both sides are protected from Metatron."

"No, wait a fucking second," Dean says before approaching Chuck/God. "Where in the heck have you been? Do you even begin to comprehend what you let happen? We needed you!"

"You never truly needed me until now," Chuck replies softly with a promise to his tone. "You have been good warriors and have protected my angels and children so well. I came back visibly not when wanted but when needed, Dean Winchester. I promise you I've always been there helping carry you through."

Dean felt overwhelming warmth pass through him as he tightens his grip around Castiel's hand and nods for them to go.

The war is shown in montage, the events of it specifically unimportant. It's just another apocalypse to beat, and it's one that isn't easily won. The soldiers in Heaven could not be beaten and they used their overwhelming forces to push Metatron out and slowly pull the angels back up into their homes.

When they reach the ground again, Castiel and Dean rush to help Sam and Adam fight the war. The youngest of the Winchester brothers dies a final time and finally is given peace. Crowley dies, an unexpected ally in this war, and is allowed to return as the untainted angel he once was in Heaven as a token of God's gratitude.

The last action of war before Metatron is cut through with an angel blade in finality is Dean getting stabbed through the chest himself. Castiel stabs Metatron immediately following, Dean's limp body falling into Sam's arms.

"Dean, Dean, wake up Dean!" Sam cries out as he shakes his brother's body, a body which Dean's soul is slowly seeping away from.

"Carry on my wayward son," the women of Dean's life sing, the screen flashing across them. Charlie is still in Oz. Jo, Ellen and Mary are in Heaven, arms outstretched for Dean to join them.

"There'll be peace when you are done," Chuck promises as he gestures for Castiel to offer a hand to Dean's soul.

"Lay your weary head to rest," Sam whispers as he pulls the lids of Dean's eyes to close.

Castiel grabs the hand of Dean's soul and pulls him out, them both feeling in full form even though Sam can't see them standing there. Dean watches Sam for a moment, feeling sad that he must leave his brother behind. Tears begin to build in Dean's eyes before he feels Castiel's hand drag on the side of his face. "Don't you cry no more," Castiel says before leaning in and kissing Dean once on the lips gently, serenely before they float above to heaven.

"Once I rose above the noise and confusion," Kevin says as he greets Dean.

Jo sees Dean next and rushes over to him, gathering him in a tight hug. "Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion," she says as she lets him go to the next person.

"I was soaring ever higher," Bobby says with a smile as he claps Dean on the back.

"Then I flew too high," Dean hears Castiel whisper as he moves along, his guardian angel following close behind him.

"Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man," John says with an apologetic tone to his son as Dean sees his parents with smiles side-by-side as he takes Castiel's hand and walks into the pearly gates – Dean finally has a home.

The last few lines are sung to the lullaby perfectly in an unfamiliar voice as the picture floats down to Sam tossing and turning in his sleep. "Though my mind could think I still was a sad man. I hear the voices when I'm dreaming. I can hear them say…"

Sam jolts up from his sleep. The screen reads on the bottom that it's been exactly one year and one month since Dean died. Sam never bothered looking but he did not once ever think that was the end, he never thought for a moment that Dean wouldn't come back.

There's a knocking at Sam's motel room door. Sam is confused when he opens the door and Gabriel is the one standing on the other side. "Dean's not coming back this time, Sam."

At first Sam wants to think he's joking, that this is just another cruel trick like the Mystery Spot incident. He wants to believe that Gabriel is kidding before he notes that the look on Gabriel's face is, for once, completely serious. Gabriel isn't calling him Sammy or Moose. He doesn't have even the slightest trace of laughter on his face. All he has is sympathy for Sam, something that clearly apologizes and cries out in wishing that he could have done something to fix it.

The reality of it crashes over Sam and he sucks in deep breaths as he opens the door fully, asking in a silent question with the door hanging on his fingers if his own guardian angel will stay with him. Gabriel walks past Sam with a small nod as he enters the room. The last thing seen is Sam collapsing into Gabriel's arms in a tight, needy hug as his world's conception breaks and the door shuts on them and the lights fade to black.

Credits roll to Carry on My Wayward Son. Perhaps lullaby, perhaps not.

 _Supernatural_ ends.


End file.
